Before you had children, you most likely dreamed of children. You dreamed about what it would be like, who they might resemble and how your family life would be with them. These expectations can lead to disillusionment and disappointment for you and your children. No More Perfect Kids was written to help you shatter your preconceived notions and learn to see and love them for who they actually are.
In No More Perfect Kids, Jill and Kathy talk about the “Perfection Infection”, telling us what it is, what the danger is in having this infection, and how we can shatter this infection in our own lives. They talk about how letting this slip into our lives can hurt our relationship with our children, and alter the way they see and navigate the world.
One thing that stood out to me was their Distinctions Between Perfection and Excellence:
“Excellence allows for many was to accomplish something. It allows for context. Perfection says there is only one way to accomplish something. There is no context or consideration made.”
(These are just a few)
- Excellence is something done well. Perfection is something done without fault.
- Excellence allows for failure. Perfection punishes failure.
- Excellence expects mistakes. Perfection panics at mistakes.
Reading No More Perfect Kids has me focusing more on what I am saying, and not saying to my children. It has me looking at each of them differently, in a good way. Getting caught up in what I thought they should be, either based on my own thoughts or the perceptions of others, keeps me from seeing and loving who they are.
“We are looking for progress, not perfection-for growth, not completion.”
When I was pregnant with Chloe (my oldest), we tried to find out her gender but she just wasn’t cooperating! I was devastated, and frustrated. I very much wanted a girl, and knew that want might skew my actions and feelings.
So what did I do? I convinced myself we were having a boy because I did not want to feel disappointed, and did not want the possibility of passing any such feeling on to my baby. The result was alomst comical as I questioned the doctor when the baby came out and proclaimed it was girl! Then for a period of time after Chloe was born, I would look at her and think boy in my head.
This is a powerful example of how our expectations can alter our thinking and in turn the way we act/react.
“Perfection can’t be the journey. The journey must be built on faith in the possibilities and an expectation for good, better, and then best.”
I highly recommend No More Perfect Kids to any parent. It has helped, if even in small ways, me to think differently and therefore to love and react differently with my children. This is something I feel great about because I know they deserve to be loved for who they are and where they are at, and it is often easy to get caught up in ours or societies expectations.
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Disclaimer: I want to thank Jill Savage and Kathy Koch and Moody Publishers for supplying me with a copy of this book for me to review. While I received this free of charge in exchange for my review, my opinions are my own, and have not been influenced in any way.